How it all began

Six years ago, when my children were young, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It was a very dark time in my life. I made the choice to seek medical attention. In additional to counseling and life coaching my doctor and I worked to find medication that would help. That journey took about one and half years. The medication made a tremendous difference in my life and I'm glad that I made that choice. Unfortunately there were side effects from the different medications and the main one were headaches and migraines. Because my mental health was my main priority to resolve I didn't pay much attention to my head pain, I would take Tylenol and ibuprofen and be done with it. During that time I also had a couple torn meniscus repaired on my knees which increased my dependence on pain medication. Two years ago I went to my primary doctor to find out what I could do about my, now, daily headaches/migraines. That's when I first heard the words "rebound headaches". This is when your body because dependant on pain medication, even "safe" over the counter medication, and when the medicine wears off your headaches begin again out of a desire for the meds. He referred me to a neurologist to work through this. In May of 2008 my neurologist developed a comprehensive plan for my withdrawal off Tylenol and ibuprofen. He said there was nothing they could do to prevent future headaches, or determine their cause, until I went through this. I lasted 5 days. The pain I experienced was some of the worst I ever had. The hardest part about this kind of pain is there's nothing to help it. One can't take a thing to help. You only have to walk through the process. I was not able to.

In December of 2008 I tried again. I developed a plan that would support this endeavor and worked at identifying that things that didn't work before. This time I lasted two weeks.

I can describe the pain like this: Imagine a cyborg type creature (metal sci fi robot) with a large steal hand. He grabs the back of your skull as hard as he can and shakes your head continually. There is nausea, eye site becomes blurry, and the pain takes all your energy and the ability to "do" life. Again, there is nothing that helps and no pill that can be taken. My neurologist has told me to not expect relief before six weeks. I also would not be able to take any medication, for any reason (think cramps!) for twelve weeks.

Another major problem with this kind of daily pain is when the pain goes beyond what I'm use to. I have been vigilant about not exceeded the daily maximum of Tylenol (1000 mg 3 times a day) along with prescription ibuprofen (800 mg 3 times a day). I know these medicines are powerful and I know they can (and perhaps have) do damage to my body. But there are times when it gets really bad. Sometimes it's stress, an illness, or another trigger that I'm unaware of that causes a higher level of intolerable pain. For those times when I can no longer stand it I find myself in Group Health's urgent care and even a few times in the emergency room. The only remedy are narcotics. These are fantastic for taking the pain away but they are a slippery and dangerous slope. I knew that this had to end soon.

I have now developed a more comprehensive plan, with the aid of my neurologist and my own personal research, that will begin this Saturday January 9th, 2010. I have cleared my calendar and I am devoting these next months towards over coming this. This blog is a way for me to document my journey, to vent and dump my feelings about what I'm experiencing, and for my wonderful and supportive friends and family to understand more deeply what I'm going through and how they can specifically pray for me.